And I thought they were learning from us...

As you may know I spent this last week on a new kind of adventure down in the dry, hot world of Texas, Mexico, and New Mexico. Partnering with an organization called Casas Por Cristo, we sent two teams to Juarez, Mexico to build two houses for two incredibly deserving families. Although a completely different part of the world than Fiji, the last country I visited, I found several commonalities. However these commonalities are with the people that I had ventured into these places with. It is certainly easy to walk into Juarez and just be baffled by the incredible percentage of people who live under the poverty line. It's easy to ask such questions as "Why don't these people do anything to move out of these shacks built out of cardboard and wood scraps." It's really easy to come over the border and to say wow, these people are just so poor... These people are just so lacking... The more and more I adventure though the world, the more and more I get to know the hearts of the people on it, the more I see that we've really got it all so backwards. I come to Juarez to find that those families did more for most of us than we could have ever done for them. It's incredible how poor you can be and still have more than most of the people coming to help you.

I recall one night from the trip when we all got together at the end of the night, and one of our leaders asked us just a simple questions. "What do you think?"

Just one simple question. I wasn't ready to hear all of the answers to follow. Answers that spoke of tough guys being completely broken down to nothing. Answers that suddenly any problems between a husband and a wife were just not simply important anymore. Answers that described in detail how lacking a life is when it is not focused on those around us. How is it that 32 people can travel thousands of miles to come and work on a house, and the whole time it was more of God working on our hearts.

The reason I started this blog to begin with was to motivate any who may read to look past a normal Christianity that was truly surface, and to reach at a ridiculously close relationship with Jesus Christ that drive you to love people in a way that almost appears well... odd.

This trip only supported the feelings I already had of what it looks like to truly be alive. I felt alive when I was working my butt off in a dust storm, thirsty and tired, for the King of Kings. I felt alive when I looked in the eyes of a family that was just given a house for absolutely nothing. I felt alive when we gave them that house then told them that it was a "free gift from Jesus." I felt alive when I got to bear my soul with 30 people who can instantly feel like family. You can only go so far before you have to think to yourself. "This is how God intended life to be..."

As I read through Acts 4 yet again, the words just mean so much more to me now:

"32All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. 33With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. 34There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales 35and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need. "

It's interesting how those words can seemingly come to life when you put yourself in the right situations...

So I guess you can look at this post as more than informational... perhaps as a plea. I plea that you look deeply into your heart. I plea that you analyze what you are all about. I plea that you question what your walk with God is all about. I plea that you ask yourself who your life is all about. I plea that you take chances. I plea that you make yourself uncomfortable. I plea that you will work for change... You don't even have to be a Christian to ask yourself these hard questions. You just have to try real hard to answer them.

The more and more I get to meet all kinds of people all around the world the more I am realizing that I don't know, or I've gotten wrong. I went into this journey thinking I could teach so many people so many things. When in reality, it has been me doing all of the learning all along...

And lastly to my brothers and sisters of CCV who took this journey as well, you are all such gifted and incredible people. It was my privilege to serve next to you all...

An "ENFP" Stepping Out of the Box

Sometimes it's easy to feel like the world has just put us in a box. What I am talking about is beyond the box that stereotypes put us in. At CCV when you want to come on staff, or even become a volunteer you have to take a Myers Briggs Test, and then you also have to take a spiritual gifts test. Now there are a few things I love about these tests and a few things I hate about these tests. Check em' out.

What I like:
The Myers Briggs test especially helps you learn more about the direction you should be heading in. The test puts together all of your strengths and specific personality traits and puts them nicely into 4 letters to give you a little idea of what makes you tick the way that you do. The spiritual gifts test is also a good test to take. This test will really help you indicate your strengths, and help you decipher what aspects of ministry that you should be serving in. I really do love both of these tests, but I want to move on to talking smack about them for a second. And then finish with a Disclaimer!

What I don't like:
There is one problem that I dislike about each of these tests, and those are roadblocks. Once you take a test, and land a certain letter code, or a certain strand of spiritual gifts, it's easy to assume that person is unable to fit in any of those other categories. Let me explain my situation. I happen to be an ENFP. This pegs me as an Extrovert, someone who uses Intuition, a Feeler and a Perceiver. Now you can imagine how someone seeing these tests would say, "Adam can't just relax, and not talk, or be antisocial." Well let me tell you what, it's a lot more difficult if people peg you as someone unable to do so! I happen to work at a Cafe' that has a few customers during a 8 hour shift, and I do juuust fine to the surprise of many! We need to stay away from the assumption that the ability to Sense, Think and Judge are not options for an ENFP. Because my leading Spiritual Gifts are Discernment, Wisdom and leadership does not make me unable to Administrate.

Now let me finish with this disclaimer:

It is very important that you come to the realization that certain people will always be strong and weak in certain areas. It's important to realize God has given each of us very specific spiritual gifts to glorify his kingdom. If we were all the same tool we would not get anywhere. You can find the Bible littered with scriptures of Spiritual Gifts in 1 Cor 12, Romans 12, and 1 Pet 4 etc... They aren't in there so many times for nothing, there is an important role of these gifts.

HOWEVER:

It is very important that at the same time we push our fellow followers to grow in areas that they may be weaker at that we may be stronger at. We can also never assume that because something is not necessarily someones strength that the CAN'T do it. I'm going to be honest, I will never be able to teach like Melissa can, and she may not be able to discern the way I do. But sometimes when you give people the benefit of the doubt, they can truly surprise you. Maybe you need to get out of a box... or just maybe you have to let someone else out of theirs.

Until next time Matt Silver...

Brian Jones said it best when he said that this isn't Matt leaving, but us Sending out Matt to do what God has built him to do. As hard as it is to accept, I couldn't agree with him more. Over the 5 years I have gotten to know Matt, I have grown more than I ever imagined. So in honor of Mr. Silver, I thought I would dedicate this blog to Matt, and...



THE TEN THINGS I WILL MISS THE MOST ABOUT MATT SILVER!

1) The Matt Wave
-If you know Matt Silver you know about the well... flagrant wave that Matt does to say hello, it's almost like how someone would hold a sock puppet, and he twinkles his fingers. If you know what I am talking about than you are laughing hysterically, if not, than you probably think I am crazy.

2) The Matt Silver Patented Serious Face
-If you have been in Matt's group for a few years you know the face Matt makes when he is dead serious or angry. If you know Matt, this is one of the scariest things you will see in a lifetime. Watch out for the Matt Scary Face.

3) Wrestling
-If you are a GUY from Matt's ministry, than you have tried to fight Matt at one given time. I say tried because Matt is wayyyy tougher than he looks, and you will lose. I only witnessed Matt tap out once to Nick Bonavita, the captain of our wrestling team in highschool. They only tapped out because they were out of breath after rolling around for 10 minutes.

4) C.I.Y.
-If you've gone on a CIY trip with Matt, then you have really seen him shine. Silver loves to get to know people on a much higher level. Most likely the closest any of us have ever felt with Matt was on one of these trips. It was on these very trips that Matt Baptized me only a handful of years ago.

5) Advice
- If you've ever made a bad decision, you can bet that Matt was there to offer better advice than mostly anyone else could give you. Matt got me through some really rough spots in my walk, in my relationship, with my family, with my school, and basically with any hard spot I've ever hit. He was always there to offer guidance. Thats what makes Matt not just a mentor, but a friend. I hope to come back to Matt and Carrie one day with my wife when I am older, and thank them even more then.

6) The crack
- "There is a crack in my bed", and that is what I will really miss about Silver. For the most part you will not really understand this one unless YOU are Matt Silver. ahhh, good times.

7) Yeahhhhh BOY
- You old school Rioters will know exactly what I am talking about. The yeah boys, and the Matt Silver Dialect will live on for years and years. I can still hear the yeah boys being yelled out for years to come. "thas niceeeee"

8) Late Nights
- I WAS the "that guy" of the youth group at one given time. Matt recognized from the first second I walked into youth group that I will take a little extra time and patience. Matt hung out with me at Riot hours after everyone else left. He stayed hours after I was even legally allowed to be out. We talked about everything. These are the weeks that Matt was Jesus to me. Who knows if I'd be here if it wasn't for these long nights.

9) Opportunities
- Matt believed in me. He believed I would succeed in ministry, even when even I sometimes doubted that. He trusted me to give the message to over 150 riot and impact students. That is an incredible responsibility that not everyone gets trusted with. I think I yelled at Matt Silver the first time he asked me about God. We were in a pizza shop just chillin'. Now look where we are. It's incredible.

10) A friend.
-Not only was Matt a great youth pastor for all of us, but he was an even better friend. When you hung out with Matt you never really knew what to expect, but you knew he was going to make you laugh somehow. We watched Matt grow from a crazy prankster to an incredible father right in front of our eyes. Whether it was laughing or crying we can all admit that although we will see Matt again we will always cherish Matt's heart. It will live on in all of us. Going on in the future, who knows when a youth group of my own will meet up with his in some random part of the world. Matt always called me a "life friend". A friend that you will always have whether you like it or not. Well I tell you what, I look forward to it...

A piece of history

So as many of you are surely aware of, the Democratic process to pick a nominee to represent the party has been quite a battle. You have Barack Obama, a symbol of hope, but also inexperience. And then you have Hillary Clinton, a symbol of Experience but distrust. And then you have them both attacking the Republican Nominee John McCain, stating "we don't need a 3rd term of George Bush."

I must admit, that throughout this election I have gotten more than interested. I watch CNN pretty much every day to support my candidate of interest Barack Obama. I run into some very large pros and cons that I occasionally am not sure how to handle.

The Cons - His liberal stance. I really like what he stands for and what he represents and how he presents himself and his solutions for this country. However, can I support a candidate who clearly does not oppose abortion? I know many people of faith love to get fired up on politics when someone doesn't back pro-life. However, what if I believed that my candidate would save more lives with his good stance on health care, defense and the economy? I mean, no matter who gets elected, r0e vs. wade will never get overturned.

The Pros - From the start Barack Obama has been a symbol of HOPE for everyone. I have never heard a speaker who can get such a crowed fired up with the point that our country is going in the wrong direction, and He is the one to do something about it. He will fight the race barrier and the inexperience barrier to prove that we together as a people can change this world.

Curiosity finally got the best of me when I decided to head to a rally in the City. I went to hear him speak in front of the historic mile in between the constitution center, the liberty bell and town hall. Me and 35,000 others screamed out O-BA-MA as "Will I AM" from the black eyed peas sang "Where is the Love". As you can guess I was standing up on a platform starting the chant myself with the cool sign my lovely girlfriend got for me. I waited for 4 hours to hear a 25 minute speech. This was the largest Obama rally in history, right where it all began in Philly. Perhaps one day that speech, and this man will be a huge part of our history. Feel free to share your thoughts.

The Key to Contentment... Well... Keys.

I'm not sure how I've done it, but I truly have found the key to being happy in life... I mean truly happy in life. Well, I guess I narrowed it down to a few key points that I think can completely change your life if you are honest with yourself. Many go their whole lives without ever truly being content. We chase all of these things to make us content, but we never quite get there. If we just get those grades, then man, we will get into that school. If we get that GPA in that certain major then I can land that perfect job. Then when I have that job I can buy myself all kind of stuff, and I can provide for my family. Then they will love me more, and I can be happy with them and all of my stuff. You know what. I say we cut out all of the middle men and just strive for contentment going strait to the source... God. That doesn't come easy, but I think there is a way to get there.

The first thing we need to do is to really get to know ourselves. This is a vital thing that many forget before they walk into ministry, or even before they start to walk with the Lord period. It's really next to impossible to figure out how God is going to play into your life and heart if you're not even sure who you are to begin with. It sets the building blocks of confidence. You can't be confident in God if you don't know at the core of your being who you are. Find out what your passions are. Get to a point where you don't feel you have to succumb to pressures of other people. Be comfortable in your own shoes, and be proud of that.

The next thing you need to do is Chase God. What I mean by that is you should try to seek God's face as much as possible. Try to learn who Jesus Christ really is. Seek as much knowledge as possible. You will never figure God out, because he is outside of the reality that we look from. But the more and more you learn, the better you will be able to configure what you really do believe. In turn this will help you learn more about yourself as part of the first part. One of the best ways to do this is to stick with many people with more wisdom than you. Those who are in leadership in your church or those who have been walking with the Lord for many years always have something useful to give to you. Another way to seek knowledge is of course my reading scripture. You really need to be pursuing the word, and being okay if it doesn't speak to you at that very time. It will eventually if you allow it. I promise.

The last thing, and of course the most difficult thing that will get us to true contentment, is true submission. I need to be honest, this kind of submission isn't easy, but it is what we need to strive for. This is the submission that means humbling down and sacrificing our wants for the joy of others. This submission means not always getting your way. This submission means doing what you feel God wants you to, even if it well... sucks. That is where the catch is. Complete submission will be the most difficult yet most gratifying thing you can possibly do with your relationship with God. If you do those first two steps, then finally hand your heart to God to take care of, He will guard it and make it grow. You will find joy in things you never thought you would find joy in. You will be a Christian like Jesus Christ intended you to be. The hard part is complete submission has a lot of aspects to it. You have your spiritual disciplines of prayer, scripture, meditation and many others. Also have to submit to who God thinks should or should NOT be in your life. You may also have to submit to where he wants you to go, and what he wants you to do. This may not always line up with your plans or hopes, but if you truly are following Him, it will be right where you are supposed to be.

Obviously there is a whole lot more to this whole system. This is only the icing on the cake, but if I were asked right now, "Adam, I want to be happy, I want to be content with life... what should I do..." Well then, now you know my answer.

We all have hobbies... right?

So from time to time the norm just becomes a little too... well... normal. Perhaps a little excitement in something in our lives would just give us that little kick start that we need to have. Maybe thats why we have hobbies. Perhaps we have hobbies that are passed down from our parents. Dad played in the marching band, and decided to pass down his beloved trumpet to you. Maybe you are influenced by the people you are around. A coworker decides he wants to hit the tennis courts, you think he's a cool guy, so you tag along. We all have some type of hobby whether you know it or not.

I recently picked up a few hobbies for the reason that I just wanted to try something new! I started off by acquiring a quite large fish tank and stand. I had a good ol' time setting it all up and adding a whopping 40 gallons of water and 4 very little starter fish. This is cool to me because well, I hate pets. I figured this was the next best thing. You know that feeling you get when your dog comes and sits on your lap, well yeah, I get that when my fish come to the top to eat... kinda. So either way, it has been interesting maintaining the tank and trying to find new fish or turtles or frogs to put into my tank to be my new friends.

Another hobby I recently picked up is guitar. I started my first acoustic guitar lessons about a week ago, and am leasing a sweet Carlo Robelli to practice on. I really love music, and I have always admired the abilities of some of my favorite artists such as John Mayer or Jack Johnson to just turn a piece of wood into the most relaxing sounds on earth. Perhaps if I stick with it, I may get good at it! I already did the drum thing, so it will be cool to be a little more well rounded.

All of this to bring up the question, what kind of hobbies did Jesus have? We all think we know Jesus so well, but at times when I ask questions like that it's easy to feel distant. I think at the same time it makes him feel more like a human who had likes and dislikes. I can picture Jesus walking from town to town, or just kickin' it with the disciples. Did he play the sports they played in his time, or was he always in studying scripture (he was extremely proficient with scripture) because thats what students desiring to be a rabbi or teacher did? Did Jesus love to ride boats, or is it just how he got around along with his fisherman followers?

A lot of times it's hard to relate to Jesus because of the mask that we put on him. We always see him so stern or Mr. Rogers-like. I figured it was worth while to step outside the box a little and wonder what hobbies did the man who give His life for us have. I mean, can you count walking on water as a hobby?

And Finally Some Answers

I could never ever explain how this last month has turned and twisted to completely reveal how overwhelmingly good our God is. So I left you off with my thoughts coming out of returning home from Fiji. It was a really hard task to come home to so many people who will never quite understand why I even came home to begin with. As I expected I immediately received some words of doubt. I had to listen to people with lots of wisdom whom I looked up to very much tell me very honestly that they believe I made a wrong decision and acted off of emotions. That is hard to listen even if you know they are wrong. I almost convinced myself they were right, then quickly reverted back to the fact that it was a very real thing and they will never understand what was laid on my heart that day. On the other side of things I did receive lots of praise for trusting God even if it makes no sense. Trusting God even if it means losing credits, losing money, and having some question your integrity. So as you can see a little bit of mixed emotions. It hasn't been easy playing the guessing game as to why God would bring me home all this time either. It has been some huge mystery until now that is. There are few distinct things that have happened in the last month that have made me have to sit back and go... wow. If I was still in Fiji, that would not have happened. After jumping on deck with Matt Silver in Student Ministries I got heavily involved. I went to the Pennsylvania Christian Teen Convention with the youth group the day after 3 long days of travel. I started going to all of the meetings, and hanging out with a bunch of students. I then got to spend some time on another trip to Camp Tockwogh to take those relationships to even the next level. While returning from that trip I had a conversation with a student I had taken under my wing for years. He had decided to have me baptize him that very next day at youth group. That very youth group that just so happened to be my very first time speaking the message. Matt had given me the privilege to speak to over 150 students that night about Faith in a world full of Pain. I felt at home. I knew that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Also lining up in my life at the same time was the unexpected adventure that is who I will call Jeff. Jeff was a guy in my small group that I was leading in conjunction with youth group. Jeff told me that he wasn't sure if he was going to make it to all of our meetings because he was going to be homeless in two weeks. This his me hard, and I did everything in my power to find Jeff a home for two solid weeks before landing him an incredible home with a woman to love him like a Mom can the day he lost his home. This may be a small thing to me, or a small thing to you, but now Jeff has a home. If I had denied God in returning home, Jeff would most likely be "on his way back to lock-up" in the quote directly from him. He has a clean slate and new chance at life that he wouldn't have had before. But holy cow it doesn't stop there. So to even go beyond the sermon or the baptism or even Jeff, another blessing was set in my lap to only reaffirm how crazy God is. As you are all very aware of by now, it was quite a blow learning about Matt Silver leaving CCV. That is the man that picked me up when I was lost. He invested so much time in me. He became my friend and he brought me to Christ no matter what it took. It was only 5 short years ago that Matt Silver Changed my life forever, and now he will be moving to a new place. I could only imagine what it would have been like to come back from Fiji and know that Matt had already left. So I find out the day after finding out about Matt, and the day after finding Jeff a home that the church is hiring interns. As you could guess I jumped at the opportunity, and I can't even explain how happy I am to be able to work at CCV. I get to do what I love, with the people I love, for the people I love. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for absolutely blind obedience. It's weird how the puzzle pieces are kind of beginning to put themselves in place a little. I am sure that I will never quite understand why God does what he does. But seeing some answers to some real big questions is really showing me to never doubt, even when everyone else does. It has been next to impossible to try to break down the most eventful month of my life down to a few paragraphs, but I hope by reading this you can have a little idea of why I'm here, and where I'm going. And if you get an idea of where I'm going, let me know. Because I'm pretty much winging it. God is so good. Trust him with everything. It will turn out alright, I promise. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but when you hand over control, you can't lose...

So What Did Happen In Fiji?

So, the infamous question that seems to always come up time and time again. I think to try fully explain the yearnings God has put on my heart throughout this process would almost sell Him short. As most of you already know when I left for Fiji I was incredibly sick. I was running 104 degrees throughout the whole flight to L.A. and remained ill for the following 3 grueling days of traveling to Sau Bay which was to be my final resting place until May 21st. The first week there, which included by 21st birthday was one of incredible discomfort and hardship. To be completely honest that first week, I did want to come right home. However that feeling didn't last long. After becoming acclimated with the weather and different environment, along with becoming family with the other students instantly made my whole life easier. I can't tell you a time when I felt so dependent on God. We lived off of the land and off of each other. We spent the majority of our time chatting about God, playing with large knives, hiking, snorkeling, kayaking, worshiping and throwing coconuts around the compound. It was incredible, I was home... As you can all guess this wasn't the end for me however. God put something on my heart as heavy as a brick. It's that feeling that something definately isn't right, but I'm not sure what. Some may say I just let emotions get the best of me. But this was so much bigger than that. This was something real, and I was more than willing to listen. After approaching the director I was instructed to take time and really think about all of this. I spent that week in prayer, in the word, and even in quiet meditation down on the beach, trying to understand what God was asking of me. And it was very clear to me all at once that God wanted me at home. This was not easy for me to grasp or understand. It was so hard to get to that place to begin with that I thought that there was no way God would take me out of here if only He was the reason I was there to begin with. But it was clear. This has happened in my life before, I can only explain it as something that happens to you between a feeling and a vision. Either way, blindly I followed what God had asked of me. The hardest part was knowing that this wasn't possible without opposition. I feel as if everyone there made it incredibly difficult to make that decision, but in the end I submitted and followed God home. By the time I had actually gotten off the island I spent about a month there, and it was the most life changing month of my life. I don't regret going, and I am sure I was there for a reason, I could name hundreds of possible reasons. But for whatever which reasons God called me to be in Collegeville, Pennsylvania for the time being, so here I stay, only to be finally getting some answers now. You must know this is the incredibly abbreviated version. Some of the specifics are still kind of painful to talk about to be honest. It is something I will carry with me forever, and the journey continues....

Back to Life!

Because of the crazy changes and the never ending adventure that is my life, I'm going to be bringing the blog back to life! I will be starting with some journal entries from my time in Fiji, so keep your eyes open! Peace & Love.

Up in the air...

And so this is it... Tomorrow is my last day in the office. We have a lake party on Wednesday for all CIY staff and interns, and then I fly home that night/Thursday morning. Not only is this the end to an incredibly long and impacting summer, but this is also a really difficult transition as well. I will be going from this crazy pace in this odd part of the country, to my home sweet home. I will also be finding out in the next few days whether I can even go back to school for another year because of money. I really am learning so much, even from something so small. It's really easy for us to want to do what we have our hearts set on, and be heartbroken if it doesn't quite work out that way. It's a lot harder to truly let God have the wheel, and sit back and enjoy the road. Even if He's driving somewhere you may not even expect to be driving. I didn't really expect him to drive me here this summer, or to Eastern... I mean heck... I never even expect him to drive me anywhere I really expect to go. Yesterday I spoke with Jayson French about not being sure if I could go back to school, and he told me that he could find me a youth ministry job pretty much anywhere in the country. He is networked beyond my belief. Jayson is in charge of all of CIY's major conferences. He probably meets 1000 youth pastors a year. I had never thought of being a huge part of a youth ministry any time soon. I had never thought it possible to be done going to school for now. Many things are up in the air, and all I can do sometimes is trust where God is leading me right now. I mean I could continue asking myself, "why don't things ever go as a planned?", "where am I supposed to be?", "God how come I can't..." and on and on and on... Until I come to the reality that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. My ministry will follow me. The lessons I learn will always be there, just through different things and people. Theres a verse in James that has really helped me keep my chin high throughout any times when I just wasn't sure what is to become of me. Check it out, James 4:13-15:

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

I guess you could say I really have no idea what is going to happen tommorrow. I am just a midst. To tell you the truth, yeah. I'm ready to come home. I really want to go to Eastern again. I Want a lot of things. But here are some things I know. I know I have a family that is really excited for me to come home. I have the best friends in the whole world. I have a church that I love, and a church community that really cares about me. I have a beautiful little lady that loves God way more than me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I guess, yeah... when I look at it that way. Even if I have no idea what is going to happen to me when I come back home, back to reality... That if it's the Lord's will... yeah, I'm just gunna do this, or that... and it's going to be amazing...

So thank all of you that have kept up with my journey throughout the summer. It has been an incredible experience, and I look forward to sharing with you all when I get home. God has taught me more than I thought possible this summer. Taught me how to serve. Taught me how to humble down, and most importantly how to love... If you have been reading this blog all summer, and you only got one thing from it, I hope it is that Love... love is the answer to it all. So I should really get to bed, one last day of work. The lake party, then the airport. Then just like my life, I will again, be Up in the air...

In Him,

Adam

Whom shall I fear?

Right now I am right backstage in the middle of the last Set for the band for the whole conference. Some words to the song Never Let Go just rocked my world... "If my God is with me, whom shall I fear?" Lets all answer that right now... whom shall we fear? When you think of something let me know... oh man, God is so good...

Welcome to Tennessee...

I know it has been quite some time since my last post, but it has been real crazy in these closing few weeks on tour. I am now in Cleveland, Tennessee for the second week of conferences here. Last was a really fun week. Two major things are first of all the incredible connection I had made with this one youth group from Florida. I am the head of the Welcoming committee, which welcomes all of the churches as they arrive on location. We hop in their van/bus and pray for them, and chill with them, and take them outside to play stupid games, it's awesome. Any who, I met this one youth group, Harbor Side Church from Florida. I ended up really hitting it off with a bunch of kids from their youth group (pictured left). Throughout the week I ended up doing security on their hall, which means I got to go and hang out with them at the end of every night. I will always remember these guys. They were genuine guys, who were really searching for their identity in Christ. It was heartbreaking to watch them find it throughout the week. Another thing that happened throughout the week was some K-9 intruders in the night. While all of the kids were out at Youth group time after celebration, there had been two loose pit bulls that came loose on our campus. They ended up biting two students, then getting punched in the face by a youth pastor. Of course dozens of cops show up with guns drawn screaming for kids to get into the buildings. Of course they thought what I had originally thought, "oh crap, someone is shooting up the campus." But luckily it was only dogs. So the police of Cleveland, Tennessee who very obviously had nothing better to do began terrorizing our campus for over an hour before shooting one of the dogs. You can imagine after hearing a gunshot on campus that many of the kids were scared to death, let me just tell you that was a long night of security. I finally got to bed at 2am. At the end of the week I also got to go to this Beautiful waterfall near North Carolina, and just catch up and get ready for this next week. So on to this week... the whole feel of this week has been completely different. It's really weird knowing this is the last time I am going to be doing all of this. To top it off, this is also our biggest crowed packing the gym at just under 1600 teens. I can't help but feel whats is going on in the room. I can't help but have my heart broken hundreds of times a week. I can't help but listen to the cries of high school kids and ignore them. Take tonight for example... It was the night where the students wrote their hurts out on these giant clear walls, that went together to make a isolation chamber that two ladies will sit in all night and pray for. I feel so much pain every time I read them. I don't know how you can't. Just an example of some of the stuff on the wall... "Kidnapped and raped, 02/03/2004; molestation; broken home; my family hates me; I want to end it all, please someone stop me; no one knows I exist; I'm tired of being... alone... " All you can do is place your hand there, and pray for them, and feel for them. Then worship starts up. The band screams out, "so come home running, His arms are open wide". I look around. I see hundreds of kids in absolute tears, which groups of people all around them with a hand on their shoulders. I see that every night, I feel that every night. Sometimes you just don't know what to do with that. The incredible thing is , come Friday, the mood changes, and then it all comes together. On Friday they sing "shout Unto God" And if you know the song, then you know what I am talking about. The lyrics say "the enemies been defeated, death couldn't hold you down, we're gonna life out voice in victory, we're gonna make our praises loud". All of the kids have their fist in the air. They're fired up. They're mad at what Satan has done to their homes; done to their families; done to their youth group; done to their friendships; done to their lives... done to them... With a final roar, one of the band members screams at the top of his lungs, and the kids just go insane for Christ. I see this happen... every... single... Friday... And it will never change the impact of it, no matter how many times I see it. But what does this do to my life, what does that do to me. What Am I going to take home from all of this. I guess When you are surrounded by these teens all the time, you can do nothing but serve. I'm not quite sure who I am going to be when I go back home to Pa, but I know I am not the same as yesterday. Yesterday I was not the same as the day before. I mean, how can I? How can you see so much pain, so much joy, so many broken hearts, and ever be the same? I know something I need to take away from all of this, is that we can't sit back, and watch Christianity happen. There is hurt EVERYWHERE, Just because it isn't written on a panel, doesn't mean I am not constantly surrounded by it. We all have a call to GO, and what I mean is get off your butt. Make yourself uncomfortable. And get into peoples lives. Find the hurt. And help them wipe it clean. I can only imagine what one of those panels would look like if it sat inside my church. If it sat in my school. If it sat in my own house. I guess sometimes you feel so convicted of what our call is that you can't stay quiet. My accountability partner and I created a campaign that we joke about, but take completely seriously at the same time. It's called our "no excuses campaign." I keep thinking it's going to be a huge difference when I go home. The more I think about it. Yeah, I will be a thousand miles away from here. No, I won't have a band. No, I won't have hundreds of thousands of dollars of stereo equipment although I wouldn't mind. And No, I will not be surrounded by thousands of teens a week. But the same ministry will still happen. Having the heart of a servant is an incredibly hard thing to actually hold in your chest, but it's what we're called to find, and use... every... single... waking... minute...

So the end is in sight, I get to see my beautiful lady in less then two weeks, and have my mommas home cooking in a little over three weeks. I can't say I'm not excited. But I have to give these last few days everything I possess. Thanks for reading. Please keep praying. It;s power I can't begin to explain.

Doulos... His Servant... His Slave,

Adam

I'm running...

So don't be mislead by the name of this post. When I tell you I'm running, I don't want you to get the idea that I am running from, but more like running to. I guess there comes a point in the summer where things start to become a job. The days start to get long. And some of the excitement begins to somewhat hinder away. I guess I am also at the point where I am just not going to allow that to happen. I have been lucky enough to have a few very incredible conversations in the last few nights. Last night I got to talk to a very close friend who is also an accountability partner. We were just exchanging our extreme passions for persuing Christ, and how it's going to be a scary thing to head back to school because neither of us want to change who we have become this summer. We were talking about running. Not just normal running, but running like when you are being chased by something real big. Or running like when you first see your girlfriend in the terminal for the first time in three months, or running like you would in a 100m sprint. No distractions. You are just looking strait at your goal, and nothing can stop you. Of course the run is always that much better when you have those running around you. This summer has been real hard. I just spent another night of an hour of sleep, packing the truck, than 14 more hours in the van. Only to leave again in a few days for Eastern Tennessee. It's easy to be brought down when those that surround you may not share the same passions, or atleast not to the same degree. It just takes some time to figure out who those people are that are running with you. I have been spending the last few days figuring out who those people are. And God has clearly showed me that, it's incredible. It couldn't come at a better time as well. Work has been hard. I had to take over the back stage manager position on the last 2 days of the last conference, as well as my own work load because my teamate had to go to a wedding. And then to top things off I am not finding out that I don't have the money to go to Eastern next semester. AND to top all of that off, I really want a home cooked meal... real bad! Hah. I know it's not as big as the others, but man I could go for it. But in the midst of all these problems I am truly finding out the benefits to being disciplined in my faith. It's reallyt an incredible feeling when you take a lot of that dependance off of yourself, and lay it on God's shoulders. Let me just throw it out there that he is definately better at dealing with it than I am. However it is a scary thought of not being able to pay for school this next year. God's provision has never failed me before. What usually happens is I don't trust Him, he comes through, and then I feel like an idiot. Granted, how he does things isn't always how I want or expect, but he pulls through. Doubt is a killer... I am tired of doubt. If anything though, I do believe in the power of prayer, so if you could help contribute, it would mean the world. So on a side note, I got to watch fireworks over Lake Michigan. It was a really cool show, and I was around a lot of really cool people. Unfortunately though, all of the Bible College students that have traveled with us all summer so far have parted ways. I don't know if I will see any of them again, but they have definately made a large impact in my life. If you are wondering what the BC Staff do, is they come and work for C.I.Y. in exchange we advertize their school at our events. They usually travel with a group all summer, but they are heading to a bigger event in Illinois. There were 10 of them from 5 schools, I'm really glad they were with us this summer. So alas, the end is somewhat in sight. We have one location left. We are heading to Lee University on Thursday for two weeks before we finish up in Joplin for a week or so. I need to let God use me to make this the most incredible two weeks ever. I will try to do a few more posts when I get there. Thanks for reading.

In Him,
Adam

Ohhhh, I get it!

So I guess this post has one purpose. Today was a verrrrry long day. It was our first day of conferences here at Holland. In my last post I posed the question as to why God was putting these certain people into my life. Well I think I am starting to understand the answer there. HOWEVER. It's late, and I have been up since who knows when, I will post the conclusion to this e-mail as soon as I can. Today was simply uncredible. From forming new relationtiops, to working with ones I have. Between praying with a bunch of teens all day, to really going crazy during worship, it has been one heck of a day... and I thank my King of Kings for it all... Let me tell you, regardless of what happens, your days are like you let them be... I mean that. To be continued.... Peace and Love.

Adam

On the road again...

Well here I sit in the quaint little town of Holland Michigan. We're pretty North here right off of lake Michigan. We drove for 14 hours on Thursday, even though it felt like 29791797493 hours. We arrived a day early on purpose, one, so that we didn't have to spend another pointless random day in the office, and two, so that we could get to know the area we would be working in this week. Part of us getting to know the area was of course, hitting the beach! Now the funny thing here is I thought the same thing you were thinking when I said the word beach. Oh... He's at the lake, I guess you could call that a beach. WRONG. This beach looked like any other beach I have seen on the ocean minus the bigger waves. So it was a really nice thing to be able to do, just to relax before two very hard days. If you know me at all, you know how much I love being able to hit the beach. So on Saturday and Sunday we unloaded the truck and set up the stage and lights, sound, etc... This was a HUGE unload, and there was only a few of us. It took sooooo much time, and soooo much hard work. I am so exhausted from setting up for two days strait. I'm glad we got some free time tonight before the conference starts tomorrow. Once again, I am the extraverted people person, so I am automatically in charge of the welcoming committee. I love that job to tell you te truth. I'm not sure if I've explained it before, but it so fun to jump into some random church van right when they get to CIY and just pray with them, then tear them out of the van and give them all kind of games to play. I guess my personality fits the job right. But lets go ahead and talk about this for one second. If you are reading this blog, you most likely have an idea of my personality. I love people, I love to talk and interact with people, I guess I thought I was pretty likeable. Well, for some reason, God keeps putting a certain kind of person in my life. This last year my roomate was the polar oposite. I didn't think he liked well...people... he was just mean... but not to everyone... but he was to me. He hated extraverted, free spirited people. It was nearly impossible for me all year to live with him... I really thought that he just hated happiness altogether, but he is a human just like the rest of us, there has to be a reason for it. It's really hard when I run into people like that who just openly don't like you. I always wondered why God would room me wiith someone like that. I guess you could say I was pretty excited to get away from that after the semester.. ONLY TO HAVE THE SAME THING HAPPEN TO ME THIS SUMMER. The guy I am working with, and traveling with all summer has a lot of the same qualities. It has been hard for me to get along with him since I have gotten here. I guess another problem is my mentality of the whole thing. Why would someone just not like people just because they talk, or are outgoing? Why is it the only two people I have ever met that I couldn't get along with if I tried have been roomates? What does God feel about these relationships? What does loving this person look like? I am tired of asking these questions every single day. I've tried and tried and tried, and just continue to get treated like crap. And you know how it goes, when one person with a bully attitude thinks they can treat you that way, so can others... I know God couldn't want it like this....There have been times this summer where I have almost decided to not talk anymore. Join the club of people who keep to themselves and just speak when they have something really important to say, but I guess that's just not me. Ever had anyone just hate you for no reason? Ever hated your own personality at times because of it? I wouldn't even write it in here if it wasn't effecting me. I still am going to stick with the beliefs of knowingn God gave me this personality so I can talk to kids without feeling scared or nervous. I guess I was given one of the spiritual gifts of evangelism... Just not sure why these people are in my life, and how I am supposed to react to them... I do know that God is good though. It is certainly time to keep my head clear, and prepare for another week of broken hearts. Please keep me in your prayers, I will need all of them. and PLEASE. If you have something going on in your life, please let me pray for you as well. It is a few people that are reading these, and it's people very close to me. It's some powerful stuff, I do know that. Thank you. In Him.

-Adam.

In the wise words of DMX. "Lord gimme a sign"

So, I guess you could consider what I am doing right now a vacation. It is Saturday, and I am sitting in Panera enjoying a wonderful Italian Sub, some cheddar and brocholli soup and some decent music. I got to sleep in today, and I got to go for a nice run after I woke up! I know you are all saying, "wow, you are so lucky," but you know what, this enjoyment came at a price! Thursday was our last conference day in Indiana. The whole day was so long, but incredible. I saw kids that wouldn't even talk on Monday freak out in worship. Oh the difference a week makes. Anywho, on thursday we ended celebration at like 1030. From then on we loaded up our truck to take it to michigan. I finished packing the truck at 3:30. I then had to go into my room to pack, I got to sleep at about 5. Of course, this is only to wake up at 730. Any no, I couldn't just wake up like a normal person, We had to wake up by having Jayson come into our rooms like a drill sergeant. We finally packed up in the rain, and then spend 9 hours in the car. The car was packed so I couldn't sleep. I am now back in Joplin after probably 12 hours of sleep. I can't tell you how incredible this down time is. It is much much much needed. But it's been good, I had a pretty crazy conversation with God during worship on Thursday. He told me something pretty clearly... So I argued with him... Because I'm stubborn. I don't really want to do what I think he wants me to do if that makes any sense. I will though, because well... he's driving. It's hard sometimes to distinguish what is a command from God, and your own mind. So in this conversation, I was being a jerk and said to God, "God, I don't know if that is you or me saying this!, please give me a sign!" It was probably 5 seconds later that I got a very clear sign. Pretty crazy... Maybe someday I will tell you what he told me. But that will be after I am willing to accept it first... Anywho, I'm going to continue relaxing for the weekend. Keep Lovin,
Adam.

Identity Crisis

I'm going to need to make this one quick, it's pretty late, and it's been a real long day. Today was our first full day of our second week in Anderson, Indiana. I hosted more basketball tournaments today, they went really well, but there were so many kids. My voice is pretty much shot from yelling out teams. It's incredible how this school has a 15 million dollar field house, and no megaphone or something. The main point of my post comes from something I witnessed tonight. Have you ever had something happen that was so absolutely insignificant, but it just hits you in a way you can't describe? Tonight during celebration there was a video of a kid walking through his high school. As he walked down the hall, there were words on the heads of the people he saw. Some of the words said, "jock" or "slut". Some of the other words said "nerd", "punk", "player", "#14" (referring to what that girl meant to the player). It's hard to give a visual of this, but imagine walking down the halls of a high school and knowing all of these kids are given a label. The key word in that sentence was GIVEN. Most of these kids fall into these stereotypes, and what they are deemed, is what they are. The message tonight was about having an identity in Christ. The message explained about how we are ONE in Christ, we are the body, we are who we are, not who the rest of the world tells us we are. Anyway, we did this thing tonight where all the teens brought a mask with them into session, which they decorated to explain their personalities. What they did with them during worship was drop them in these cans that were placed throughout the room. They would later be used to be stapled onto a wall into a giant hand. But one of my jobs was getting these giant bags full of faces and bringing them onto the stage. The very first kid to come to the can, just took off his mask, and looked at it. He looked as his mask in a way similar to how someone would look into a mirror. He was looking deeper than just the skin. With all he had, he dropped it into the can, and said a word or two, it seemed to me like he was saying goodbye. Now I'm not quite sure, but that hit me in a way that I can't explain. I know this kids whole life, he was labeled. Who knows what his label was, but he knew that people had seen his appearance, and known about his life, and they had put a word on his face. It's an intense feeling seeing someone drop that crappy view the world has of them, and picking up a cross instead. Almost as to say, the mask is gone, this is what I have now? I dare you to tell me who I am. So once again, something, just a small thing, will have a lasting impact on my life. For the rest of the night I did security rounds, which was a real good time. This youth group invited me to their group for pizza and guitar hero. I've been hanging out with these guys for just a few days, but already I know God put me on their hall for security for a reason. Just talking with them tonight about life was amazing, it's just one of those things that reassures me that ministry is what I will be doing for the rest of my life. Thanks for reading, keep loving. -Adam

A whole summer of this?

It is pretty incredible how the longer into the summer I go, the more confusing most of my post's become. I'm finding out more and more that I don't really know things I thought I did. I also know I know some things now, that I never knew before. And that's about all I do know... Follow? So yesterday was the last day of our first conference. Most of the day went really well. I got to work at about 730, and Immediately started getting to work for Morning session. Right after that I had to start preparing for the Dodge ball Tournament that I would throw at about 3. There were about 300 kids in the tournament, but it went soooo well. I had good help, and I got to use a lot of my skills from doing that stuff at the YMCA when I worked there. It definitely made me miss my old job the more I think about it. Anyway, I had lots of help for the tourn, so that was very helpful. I really felt like that was where I really got to shine, organizing something like that, and executing it flawlessly. After that I went back to my room for a shower, and when I have the opportunity to go back to my room during the day, than it is definitely a good day. I made my way to the auditorium for our last "celebration". Most of the time I got to be in the actual auditorium instead of backstage because of stuff I got to do, and that was perfect. The message was the first thing I must talk about. Jayson French, the Director I am traveling with all summer gave the message. It was hands down the best message I have ever heard. That is a very bold statement I know, but it hit right in the heart. The message was about how we are so caught up in stupid stuff, stupid battles, stupid logistics, stupid excuses, and our own stupid selves to see what God tells us it all really comes down to... LOVE. The message was about how Christians are all falling short because we truly and genuinely do not know how to love. Throughout the message he would explain all these reasons why the church isn't flourishing, then he would say, "nope, that's not it... but this is..." and he would give another reason. Finally he just said. You know what, I know what the reason is. I know the reason why Christianity is NOT doing what it's supposed to... it's right here in this box. He talked for a little while, then he pulled out this huge Mirror. It was more powerful than I could say on here, but I was moved. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Following that message it was "decision time" That moment will have an effect on me every time i see it. That's why I'm here. Over 20 kids gave their life to Christ for the first time. Over 50 kids were rededicated to make God their leader and forgiver of their lives. And Finally over 30 kids had decided to go into ministry full time. So of course after such an emotionally moving sermon, and after decisions you could just guess who had to go on stage next... you guessed it... ME. heh. I had to go on and finish with a prose poetry that went along with the sermon... It was so amazing standing on that stage alone, and just looking out at the hundreds of kids, looking into their eyes, and for one last time, seeing myself again . After the poetry We all went into the auditorium for the closing worship. It was the best worship I have witnessed I think ever. There was this last song called Shout Unto God they played second to last. The words go "the enemy's been defeated, death couldn't hold you down, we're gunna lift our voice in victory, we're gunna make our praises loud... SHOUT OUT TO GOD WITH A VOICE OF TRIUMPH, SHOUT OUT TO GOD WITH A VOICE OF PRAISE, SHOUT OUT TO GOD WITH A VOICE OF TRIUMPH, WE LIFT YOUR NAME UP, WE LIFT YOUR NAME UP! Oh man... there was not one fist not in the air. Everyone was screaming, crying, singing, everyone... Imagine seeing that. It's hard to grasp. So today I have a half day, then another conference starts tomorrow. I can quickly see how emotionally and physically draining this summer is going to be. I know I say it a lot, but it really asks for so much of each of us. Jayson is calling each of us into the lobby for our "intern evaluations" right now, I think I am coming up soon. So we'll see how it goes. Until then I need to do some CRAZY amount of laundry. I'm running low. I can't wait to describe some of this stuff to everyone when I get back, it's so much easier in person. Anyway, continue to keep me in your prayers. God Bless.

The rollercoaster ride...

So let me start from the top. I know it has been quite some time since my last blog. This has not been because I have not had the will, or because I forgot, but simply because for the first time ever, I really had absolutely no time... So we drove from Joplin Saturday morning. It was a 10 hour drive, but it wasn't so bad. We got to stop in St. Louis for a little while which was a new experience. It was pretty cramped with Jason French's (CIY Director) Whole family in the van too, but their company was very enjoyable. We arrived late Saturday, did a Wal-Mart run, then jumped into bed. The next morning was the first long morning. We had to unload the whole 18 Wheel Semi and set up all the equipment and stage. I thought because we had to do all of that, that it was going to be the hardest day of the week. Boy was I wrong. Ever since we started the conference, it has just been one crazy emotional rollercoaster. I'm not talking about your average wooden coaster either, I'm talking one of those coasters that go up to where you start to lose gravity, and then spirals a million miles an hour down into the crust of the earth. The first thing I was in charge of was welcomeing committee for all of the churches. Basically when a church got here (Anderson Indiana) we would greet the youth pastors, help them get to registration, pray with the whole group, then take them out of their vans and play games with them. Well this is a smaller week and there were 35 Churches, so it was very crazy. Luckily working for me I had Bible College Reps. Basically these college kids travel around with us and in exchange for us letting them showcase their college to the high school kids, They work for us. They are all so much fun, I really enjoy all of their company. They are from all over the country, so it is also interesting just hearing about all these cool places around the country. After that I am responsible for many things happening on stage. I'm back stage making things work. I also ran a huge basketball tornament Tuesday, and A large talent show yesterday. PS. For all my peeps back home. Please tell all of these people it is pronounced TORN-UH-MENT. For come crazy reason they keep bustin my guns telling me it is TURN-UH-MENT! So on a more serious note. I can't begin to explain my day yesterday, or any day for that matter, so I will do what I can. We worked probably 14 plus hours and I had enough time for a quick lunch but that was it. Going to bed at probably 1 because of having to do security rounds at night, and waking up at 6:40. It is the first time we have done the conference so it is all new for us. Constantly taking orders, constantly running around, constantly instructing BC staff, constantly learning new things, constantly messing up. It is incredibly hard, frustrating, and most of all tiring. But here is where the other side comes in. At the same time, there is nothing more rewarding. Yesterday, honestly, I just felt like crying. Unfortunately I couldn't cry if I tried, but here is as close as I can come to explaining how I felt. Women I think will understand this more. Have you just had so much going on, have you even just been so emotionally stressed, and so confused and tired that you just want to cry, well it was a lot like that. Three things changed my life that night. The first: To get into the back of the auditorium from backstage you need go outside and walk around. I was so frustrated to the point where I wanted to just forget about being Christian for just like five minutes and just swear someone out. Some of you may frown upon me saying that, but if you say you have never felt that way before than I'm certain you are lying. Anyway, just after I walked outside, I saw this girl outside just balling her eyes out. With this girl were two of her sponsors just praying over here. This girl was being so broken. I looked over, and I saw myself three years ago. It took just that one second of thinking about it before I felt like absolute skum. I realized real quick that this wasn't about me. I may have been frustrated, but through my hard work, and pain, and frustration, this girl is seeing Jesus's face clearly for the first time... So I make my way inside finally, and the speaker was incredible. SHE delivered a message like I never have before. I caught up with her later and just explained that I had never seen a women so captivating. (disclaimer: what was the most incredible thing for me is the odds women in ministry have with really being able to make the room hers and preach it her way) These kids were so touched by her message that I would say half of the room was praying or crying with someone else in the room. I can't tell you how many kids made a decision to come to Christ that night, but I can tell you I couldn't see a whole lot of the floor up front... And the third thing, as I was talking through the auditorum that night A teen had stopped me. This is a teen I had challeneged on an earlier day to stop me and pray with me if he ever sees me. So he came up to me and was like, "dude, can we pray" and we did. It was incredible. I prayed for him, he prayed for my strength, I could not have needed it any more. God always provides, we just may never see it that way. So as You can see, this has been a true rollercoaster for me. This morning went really well, and now for the first time I have a little free time to write this blog, do a devo, read the work and finallllllly nap a little bit! FINALLY!! WOO HOO! But anyway, it will be good for me. There are a million other things I could write right now, but for the sake of carpeltunnel I will let you go. If you could keep me in your prayers that would be incredible, I really could use every one I can get. Thank you so much for reading. God Bless.

-His Servant,
Adam

Quick POST!

So I will post again in a day or so, I just wanted to give another quick update. I am now in Anderson, Indiana. We are throwing our first conference on Monday, and this last week has been the longest week of my life. My last day in Indiana, I was just about to start packing when the Tornado Sirens went off in the town. We all had to go to the basement because one had touched down real close. So that was crazy exciting, I just had to put it into a post. God has done some crazyyy things this last week, I will let you all know soon! Keep reading! Thanks! Adam.