Who I Am Hates Who I've Been...

So it's kind of been one of those weird days... I was sitting at my computer, going through all of the mail that I haven't gotten to yet, and a song came on that explained exactly how I feel right now.

Relient K - Who I am hates who I've been...

This is the part where I admit that the 6th grade version of myself would kick my butt all over the place right about now.

As I was sitting here I went through all of the letters that people sent me while I was in Fiji. I got so many loving letters from incredible people in my life. They said so many nice things, and it was just unbelievable how kind they can be to me.

Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve to be treated that good?

Sometimes I feel like I don't love people the way Christ would love people. Jesus Christ knew how to love people so WELL. Jesus loved the prostitutes, the tax collectors and the poorest of the poor. To me, that is Jesus loving his bosses, his coworkers, his best friends and his enemies.

Why do I let people just fall off the planet if they don't call me? Why do I feel the need to be in charge all of the time? Why don't I go out of the way to tell people just how much I appreciate them? When was the last time I gave someone besides a family member or my girlfriend a gift for their birthday? Why am I so good at talking and so bad at listening sometimes? When was the last time I sent a letter half way around the world just to make someone smile when they might feel alone?

To what lengths are we willing to be Jesus. Are we willing to be Jesus only when it's easy... I know right now, that's how I feel that I am.

God has blessed me with THE BEST, and I really mean, THE BEST people on earth. I work with the most incredible people anyone could work with. I am friends with the best, most kind hearted, most giving people that God has created. He gave me Eastern University where I have met the best friends I will ever have. God gave me CCV where I found the most unbelievable church community. God has given me an incredible girl who loves the Lord way more than she loves me, and that is AWESOME. God has given me home and family that has helped turn me into the man I am. God has also shown me his face early in life so I have lots of time to do his work.

And I take it all for granted... and that makes me sick to my stomach.

Parts of me wish I could just do over the last year... so I could treat some people the way they deserve to be treated... The way they treated me.

Unfortunately we don't get do overs... but some of us are lucky enough for second chances... and I'd really like to take one of those right now. I know that I have a lot of good in me, and that I'm not the worst person in the world. But the bar is higher now...

God I pray you save me from settling. I never want to be just another American Christian...

I want to end my post by taking this opportunity to thank those people who sent me letters in Fiji if I haven't yet... you are forever in my heart:

Melissa Jaworski - Thank you for the 320231803 letters... I'm really glad I gave you that flower back in 5th grade.

Mom and Dad - You sent me the ugliest card I have ever seen... I love it!

Bob Connor - You show me Jesus every time we talk.

Brad - Dude, we've been best friends since birth... and we will be until we die.

Pat & Bill Shifflet - I want to grow up and be just like the both of you... always young...

Grandmom and Grandpop - You are the best neighbors in the world! Thank you for keeping me on the right track.

Aunt Rosie and Uncle Mike - You take care of me better than any nephew deserves.

Here is the song that brought it to life...

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